I decided to slim things down and go with a more professional, clean look! It's not very scrappy, but I really like it. I'm sure I'll continue to play with it, as well as my other blogs, but it's just so fun!
Tonight was Mitchell's Blue and Gold Banquet for scouts. This was him getting a couple of awards. He only has 2 months left of cub scouts. I know I do the countdown every month and express my sadness, but dang, it's just going way too fast!
There are always so many things I want to blog about, but then I think I just get chicken. Sometimes, I'm able to just lay it all out there, but other times, I stick to the facts of the day. Facts are much easier than emotions. The truth is, I have a lot of emotions inside that I constantly try to sort through and put in the right place.
One of the main emotions is how invisible I feel. Does anyone else ever feel this way? I admit that I spend a lot of my free time, hiding behind a computer and typing things rather than talking, but when it comes to real world things, I feel like I just blend in the background. Have you seen that commercial for depression where the person just blends into the couch or the bus or the freezer section at the grocery store? That's how it feels. And I don't think it is caused by depression, because I'm happy, overall. I just feel that for most of my life, I'm either trying too hard to be noticed or I just fade into the background. I know that I have a lot more guts to write things out on a blog than I do to say in real life. I used to think it had to do with my weight and feeling so ashamed about that, but I think its deeper than that. I'm still searching for the reasons, because I am determined to fix it! I'll have to keep you posted, though, because I am definitely a work in progress!
Your last paragraph is me, completely! Oh my goodness I couldn't have written it better. I know sometimes I still battle with lows (depression) but not always and I hate that feeling! *HUGS*
ReplyDeleteOh Ramona...you are way too beautiful {inside and out} and amazingly talented to ever just blend in. I know we all feel that way at one time or another. I hope you know how amazing I think you are. I don't say it often enough, or call often enough, but I Love you with all my heart and feel so blessed to have you as my sister. Hang in there and I know you will be able to "fix" it.
ReplyDeleteFunny, o.k. funny is not the right word-- ironic maybe how you view yourself and how I view you. I guess you will just always be my older sister. The one who always figures things out and then clues me in on it too! You are so smart and creative and fearless. You have always been able to put yourself out there-- the world be damned if they didn't like what they saw! Remember all of the plays you wrote and directed and made happen in high school? In my estimation it just always seemed you did whatever you wanted without caring what people thought. . .or if you cared, it wasn't enough to make you stop your dreams. You embody courage for me.I am so grateful that you are my sister.
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