Life is better with chocolate!

Today was a chocolate day! I have been so good lately and eating so well, but I broke down and ate some chocolate covered peanuts! I made these boxes today, for a hybrid project I'm doing and also as a goodie to take to a few friends in my neighborhood! I thought they turned out so cute! I needed cute!

It's amazing how difficult it is to get help for your child. Just trying to get the proper diagnosis and services to help him be the best he can be, is enough to make the most sane mom-crazy! And I've never claimed to be sane! LOL!

I found out today that they were not even going to run any assessments on Sam for Kindergarten. The teacher already knew where she was going to place him and that was that. I was floored. This seems like such a huge transition to me, to just do it without any updated testing, didn't make any sense. How could they just decide something so important without any testing, without any input from us? The older he gets, the more symptoms of autism I see and I really wanted to have him evaluated to see if he would qualify for the autism program in our district.

I expressed this to her, and her response to me was this:

"The only reason Sam has a few behavioral issues is because he can't talk. Once his apraxia goes away or if you guys decide to learn sign language, everything will be just fine"

So simple! Wow! If only it could be like that! Nevermind the fact that we have been learning and teaching Sam sign since he was 13 months old because we wanted to give him a way to communicate. Nevermind the fact that apraxia is not something that just goes away like a cold! Never mind the fact that he won't make eye contact anymore, that he has no empathy for anyone, that for no reason at all, tonight he pulled a chair over on his baby brother. Never mind the fact that he won't play or use his imagination. The list goes on and on of things that just aren't right.

No one wishes more than me, that all of Sam's problems could go away with just a better means of communication. But, those days of wishing for that are in the past, and I know better and I know more, and it is my job to fight for what he needs!

This is the amazing difference. If he has the label of autism, he would go to an all day kindergarten program, just for autistic children. He would have all the services and the safety measures needed to keep him safe and help him cope with his shortcomings. If he doesn't have the label of autism, they want to send him to a normal kindergarten with a smaller amount of children (about 12) with 2 extra aids. That's it. Sure, he would continue to be called out twice a week for speech and maybe OT, but that would be about it. It would be half day.

I feel like I have to do everything we can to at least rule out the autism thing. If he is evaluated and it comes back negative, then great, I can cross it off my list and work towards finding other solutions. However, I have to know and I have to know that I'm giving him the best chance for the future.

So, we'll see. I've put in some phone calls, done more research, and now I will wait. There is so much waiting involved, and I'm not very patient. Therefore, today, I needed the chocolate! Sure, I felt sick afterwards, but in the moment, for just a second, it brought peace and made me feel just a little bit better about the world!