Finished out the month!

I'm so excited that I made it through the entire month of January and never missed a day! This is so unlike me! You don't even know! I'm the queen of great ideas, and not so good at the follow through! Maybe getting old is helping me to be a little more determined to keep with it! Either way, one month of 2010 down and 11 more to go (not that I'm in any hurry to see it pass quickly).

Sundays are hard days for me to get pictures. They aren't typical "take pictures" sort of day, so I have to really work at it! We usually spend the morning getting ready for church, spend 3 hours at church, have Sunday dinner, maybe squeeze in a nap, etc.

Tonight I grabbed this photo right before we put kids to bed. Please ignore the mess of my basement! It was a day full of play by Sam and Olivia, and I hadn't had time to clean up! Besides, that's life, right! And I'm all about capturing the realness!

We discovered a fun game tonight, we put the table at its highest setting, set it next to the bean bag and let Sam jump to his heart's content. They call it "crashing" in the autism world (or at least on the website I read about this) and its supposed to be good for sensory stuff. He has always loved jumping, so needless to say, this was a hit! He was in heaven!

I'm off to bed, as it's late and tomorrow will be another busy, crazy day! Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to read my ramblings over the past month! I hope I didn't bore anyone too much!

Best 50 cents ever...

The more that I read and learn and talk about autism, the more hope I feel for the future. In fact today, I feel almost giddy! I know we have a long road ahead of us, and that it may never get easy, but I don't feel so alone anymore and I know that there are answers and solutions and reasons. Granted, we still don't have an official diagnosis, but I really feel in my heart that he will be on the spectrum, he just fits too many of these symptoms!

One of the things I am learning to figure out for him (until we can meet with an OT to do it more exact) is a sensory diet. Even before the autism thing was being considered, we've known that he is very sensory seeking in most things. There are a few sensory things he avoids, but mostly he needs deep input and will seek it no matter what. This has resulted in more messes and more ruined makeup than I could ever add up! I've known for awhile that I need to give him controlled sensory opportunities, but its just hard to even know where to start.

Well, today I broke down and spent about $6.00 on 5 cans of shaving cream! Then I put him in the tub and literally squirted out half a can (which is a lot more than one would think!) I let him play for as long as he wanted. There were no restrictions, no rules, just free play. Then we turned on the shower (which I just discovered that he totally LOVES) and he curled up in a ball and sat under the shower (with it hitting his back) for a good 15-20 minutes. In all, it was about an hour of playtime in the tub. He was in heaven and so was I. It was nice to see him happy. Overall, he has been doing better. I think it has helped to limit his stimulation. I even took him out on some errands today, and he did very well. I was patient, explained everything to him before we did it, and he did great!

I'm excited to see where this journey continues to take us, and I truly believe that that which does not kill us, makes us stronger! I am grateful for all he teaches me and I'm thankful that even in the darkest, deepest moments, there is always hope and apparently, shaving cream!!!

Best Actor

This is one of the awards, Chipper got today from school. He played several parts in the Christmas play, right before Christmas, mainly the narrator and Marley and the Ghost of Christmas Past. He did an incredible job. Of course, I'm going to say that, as his mom, but honestly, it blew me away! He was so comfortable there on stage and so dynamic! I loved seeing him so in his element. It was extra exciting for him to get this award, and he couldn't wait to come home and show us! He has also been cast as Gaston in the Spring Musical, Beauty and the Beast. I can't wait. Not only is it my favorite Disney movie, but I'm excited to see him as this part! It cracks me up, too, how much he is into theatre! He got an ipod touch for Christmas and the only music he listens to are all from Broadway plays. His current favorites are Les Miserables (which I LOVE!!!) and Little Shop of Horrors. He was begging tonight for the soundtrack from Guys and Dolls. I have to admit, I am not complaining about his music choices!!

My Big Helper

I just love this boy! He is my sweet and sensitive Mitchell who puts up with so much! I feel incredibly blessed to have him in my life (as I do about each of my children).

Mitchell is homeschooled and is a very smart boy, who likes to pretend he can't do schoolwork! But he does it anyway. We have always believed that Mitchell will be an engineer someday, and the older he gets, the more he seems to prove it. He is always inventing something, and figuring out how to make something work.

But where I really appreciate Mitchell is in his patience with me. Some days are really hard at home, between Sam and the baby and just life in general, and he puts up with the brunt of things. If I'm having a bad day, he doesn't get to escape to school and hang out with friends! But he is so patient and works so hard to please me.

Today was a pretty rough day, but we made some progress too. We have the two assessments scheduled for Sam to be evaluated for autism. One is in 2 weeks and the other is at the end of March. I hate waiting, but at least we are on a path. Meanwhile, we will wait and see what the school says, as they complete their own evaluation.

I'm also trying to organize things better at home. We have a three story house and the basement is finished with 2 bedrooms, a bathroom and a family room. We find that the more time Sam spends down there, the easier things are. He isn't drawn to the kitchen, any of the outside doors or the kids bedrooms. So, overall, we are able to contain the craziness a bit more! We tried it this afternoon, with each of the kids taking a shift, playing with him, one-on-one and it went really well. It allowed me to make dinner, help the older kids with homework and feel like a normal person again, instead of so stressed. It was also nice to keep the two younger ones away and give them a break. Sam doesn't really know how to play with them, so he just hurts them or takes things away from them. It can get very tiring. And I've started to notice that Olivia is beginning to do things she wouldn't normally do, especially try to hurt the baby, like she has seen Sam do. So, as mean as it probably sounds, I feel like I need to limit their time around him so that she and Noah can develop and not be pulled into this whirlpool. Because that is what it feels like most days. It's just a huge, swirling, confusing mess that leaves me completely spent.

We'll see how it goes over time or if he will begin to resent being separated from the others (he's never left alone, just so that no one thinks I'm chaining him down in the basement!) When I started to explain this new plan with my older kids, Mitchell said, "we're not going to do what they did in Goonies, are we?" Too sweet and sad, at the same time. It's difficult the strain that everyone in the family feels when one of the children has special needs. But, before this turns into a complete pity party, the benefit is that my children are learning compassion. They are the first, at school or in life, to reach out to someone who is different or struggling. On several occasions, they have said, "I just thought about Sam and how he would feel if people were treating him like that." So, as difficult as some days are and as much as I would love to have this challenge taken away, I am grateful for the growth, for the strength I am finding within and for the sweet, sweet boy Sam can be, on a good day!

Purple polka dots

Isn't he just the cutest? Oh, I love my sweet baby boy! Today, he got attacked by his older sister and her purple marker! Luckily, it's washable, but I had to get a few pictures to show off her art work! He didn't mind a bit and sat perfectly still while she drew!

Life is better with chocolate!

Today was a chocolate day! I have been so good lately and eating so well, but I broke down and ate some chocolate covered peanuts! I made these boxes today, for a hybrid project I'm doing and also as a goodie to take to a few friends in my neighborhood! I thought they turned out so cute! I needed cute!

It's amazing how difficult it is to get help for your child. Just trying to get the proper diagnosis and services to help him be the best he can be, is enough to make the most sane mom-crazy! And I've never claimed to be sane! LOL!

I found out today that they were not even going to run any assessments on Sam for Kindergarten. The teacher already knew where she was going to place him and that was that. I was floored. This seems like such a huge transition to me, to just do it without any updated testing, didn't make any sense. How could they just decide something so important without any testing, without any input from us? The older he gets, the more symptoms of autism I see and I really wanted to have him evaluated to see if he would qualify for the autism program in our district.

I expressed this to her, and her response to me was this:

"The only reason Sam has a few behavioral issues is because he can't talk. Once his apraxia goes away or if you guys decide to learn sign language, everything will be just fine"

So simple! Wow! If only it could be like that! Nevermind the fact that we have been learning and teaching Sam sign since he was 13 months old because we wanted to give him a way to communicate. Nevermind the fact that apraxia is not something that just goes away like a cold! Never mind the fact that he won't make eye contact anymore, that he has no empathy for anyone, that for no reason at all, tonight he pulled a chair over on his baby brother. Never mind the fact that he won't play or use his imagination. The list goes on and on of things that just aren't right.

No one wishes more than me, that all of Sam's problems could go away with just a better means of communication. But, those days of wishing for that are in the past, and I know better and I know more, and it is my job to fight for what he needs!

This is the amazing difference. If he has the label of autism, he would go to an all day kindergarten program, just for autistic children. He would have all the services and the safety measures needed to keep him safe and help him cope with his shortcomings. If he doesn't have the label of autism, they want to send him to a normal kindergarten with a smaller amount of children (about 12) with 2 extra aids. That's it. Sure, he would continue to be called out twice a week for speech and maybe OT, but that would be about it. It would be half day.

I feel like I have to do everything we can to at least rule out the autism thing. If he is evaluated and it comes back negative, then great, I can cross it off my list and work towards finding other solutions. However, I have to know and I have to know that I'm giving him the best chance for the future.

So, we'll see. I've put in some phone calls, done more research, and now I will wait. There is so much waiting involved, and I'm not very patient. Therefore, today, I needed the chocolate! Sure, I felt sick afterwards, but in the moment, for just a second, it brought peace and made me feel just a little bit better about the world!

Another Sleeping Photo

This morning, both Sam and Olivia woke up with a little cough. We had nothing major to do for the day, so I decided to have a pajama day, in hopes that they would rest and not get sick! This picture is of Olivia taking a nap in the early afternoon. She actually fell asleep sitting up, while munching on her polar bear cereal. I just love how she still has it clutched in her little fist! LOL! They both seem to be feeling better tonight, so hopefully its moving on!

Peace and Quiet

Today was a hard day! Sundays usually are with Sam. I know he enjoys going to church and seeing his friends and teachers, but at the same time, it's a lot for him to process! By the time the three hour block is over, he is done and ready for home. Today, we tried to stay after for choir and had the older kids keep the little ones in the nursery. It sooooo did not work! Within 20 minutes, Sam was screaming so loud, he could be heard all over the church. I gave up and took them all home. He continued to torment everyone, get into everything and just throw one big fit after another. Making dinner and getting everyone fed was quite the adventure! After dinner, I sat down on the couch to watch the football game (go Colts) and I had Sam come snuggle me. He fell asleep within 5 minutes and slept for several hours! It was nice and isn't he so adorable when he is sleeping! Of course, now it's after 9:00 and he's still awake, but fortunately, the nap calmed him and he isn't in his wild mood any longer!

Finally a Snow Day

I am crazy, I will admit it, but I LOVE the snow! Everyone told me it would get old, but this is my 2nd winter here, and I still love it! I really think I always will! All week, I heard about the storms down south and all the snow they got in places that normally don't get that much. And we would wake up with a skiff of snow that would be gone by the time breakfast was done! They built up last nights storm to be really big, and it was a bit of a disappointment, but at least it did give us a few inches!

What I really want is a day where it snows non-stop, just those big fluffy flakes that are so beautiful! I want to stay in my warm house and watch it paint the world white! Don't get me wrong, we do have snow on the ground and have had snow on the ground since December, but I want more!!! So, today's picture was of the snow! And hopefully, there is even more when I wake up in the morning!

My Gymnast

I've been having technical difficulties with photobucket, so I'm not quite sure if this picture will turn out big enough or not. If not, I will try to fix tomorrow. I've spent the past hour trying to make it all work, and I'm tired!

This picture is of Sam, at gymnastics. He LOVES gymnastics and it is so fun to see how good it is for him. Part of the challenges he faces, is he was born with low muscle tone or hypotonia. This has been a great way for him to strengthen his muscles and have to listen in a class type setting! The first few weeks were tough, but he has great teachers who are so patient with him! I'm so thankful for this opportunity!

Doing my essercise

As we do every week, we were watching "The Biggest Loser" tonight. We're usually a few days late and sometimes it takes a few days to get through an episode, but we faithfully watch, as a family every week! Tonight, part way through, I found Olivia in the kitchen under one of the chairs. I asked her what she was doing. She was pulling herself up, using the bar on the bottom of the chair, and she said "I'm doing my essercise". I guess even 3 year olds can be inspired by that show!

I also have my weekly layout done, for week 3.

Pinewood Derby Time

Tonight was my 10 year old son's pinewood derby. In fact, it was his last one, as he will turn 11 in a few short months and enter Boy Scouts. It makes me sad that these cub scout years have gone so fast! I love cub scouts, and I have loved helping my boys advance and watching their progress. My oldest is working towards getting his Eagle, and I'm amazed at what an amazing young man he is. I love the scouting program and I'm so thankful for it in our lives!

Now, on to the fun stuff! It was a blast. He had worked so hard on his car and hoped and hoped that he would win. He didn't, but he gave it a valiant effort! My favorite part of the evening is captured in the picture above. He received his own camera for Christmas and it is the best gift I think he's ever gotten. He doesn't go anywhere without it, and I'm terrified of what will end up on You Tube someday because I constantly find him following us all around with the video part on! Tonight, he filmed his entire pinewood derby! He was so excited and so serious about it! This is the same kid who didn't want just a camera for Christmas, he wanted a video camera, a Mac computer and the full photoshop program so he could make movies! Needless to say, I'm a tad bit curious to see what is in his future!

I love my boys, so much. I have four, so obviously, I will still have pinewood derby days ahead, but its different with each. They are each so unique and wonderful and full of an energy that I can't get enough of! I know exciting things are on the horizon and I'm excited to experience those things with them, as well, but wish it would all slow down just a bit!

Behind the Lens

Well, here it is. I finally braved giving you all a shot of what is behind my camera lens! I usually work really hard to stay hidden there because it's safe. If I were to be gone tomorrow and someone were to look through the thousands of pictures in my boxes and on my hard drive, they would see very little of me. Hundreds and hundreds of baby photos and dance photos and snow photos fill the gigabytes of space. My life is documented very well through the people I love, but I have done very little to document me for them.

Several months ago, my dear cousin passed away from cancer. She was 8 months older than me, which meant a very young and vibrant 38 years old. I will be 38 years old in 2 months from today. I am young. I have so much life to live. So did she. She had a loving husband, a wonderful son, a mother who doted on her, hundreds of friends, goals to complete, years to waste, moments to cherish and in a moment, it was all gone.

Even with some time to prepare, I wasn't prepared. It was last January that I got the phone call about her illness, but I didn't want to believe it would take her life. I think I was in denial, and unfortunately, I didn't rush to her bedside to spend what time I had with her. I was scared. I was scared what it would be like to see her, to feel the thick unspoken fears around us and not know how to speak. That fear kept me away from some precious time I could have had with her. In fact, I didn't overcome it enough until it was almost too late. At the end of August, 3 weeks before she passed, I packed up the baby and we drove to St. George. By that time, I knew I didn't have much time left and setting aside the regret, I wanted to see her. I felt so much fear. What if she was mad at me for not coming sooner? What if the silence would be too awkward? What would I say? How do you look at someone who you grew up with like a sister and prepare to say goodbye?

Well, sometimes, you just do it. You just walk in that room and let all the love you feel and hold back because it hurts, just do the talking for you. We sobbed and held each other and there was no anger or hurt for my failings, she just loved me and felt so grateful to see me. Even as I type this, I can hardly breathe because of the tears and the memory and the love that I feel for this person. I miss her every day, and I think about her and the family she left behind every day.

But, it was a defining moment for me. I realized that life is short and moves very quickly. It's like a shooting star that has it's moment of brillance but can be gone so quickly you almost wonder if it really happened at all. I can't afford to just let each day come and go. The time is way too precious. I don't have time to feel insecure about who I am and spend my life hiding--hiding behind a camera, hiding at a computer, hiding in the corner at social function. I am so good at hiding. Even with this picture of me, you don't see it all. You don't see my wide thighs and greying hair. You don't see the insecurities that continue to hold me back, time and time again. I am working on those. Not on getting rid of it, necessarily, but working on not feeling ashamed of who I am. I want to live every moment of the life I have left, and in a part, do it for her. Live what she didn't get a chance to, so that when we are together again, I can tell her all of my adventures and she can tell me hers!

What is behind your lens?

Traumatized for Life

I just know that I've ruined snow for poor little Noah for the rest of his life! This has been a new experience for me--babies and snow! I lived almost all my life in Southern Nevada, where you really don't get snow. All of my babies, except for Noah really didn't see snow until they were old enough to go play in it. It wasn't something we had on a daily basis! I'm not used to buying baby snow suits for my babies nor do I know what the protocol is for letting them experience snow for the first time.

Noah was born last April, and even though an unexpected snow dumped 3 inches just a few days before he was born, he didn't get to experience it for real until November. And at that time, I was too involved with the older kids to even think about letting him go play in it! I just kept him bundled up and warm inside. I mean, really, does an 8 month old want to play in snow? But then the thought occurred to me that I might be missing out on a great photo op, if I never let him experience the snow and how fun would it be to catch that first time of being in snow. So, I planned it all out. I bundled him up, the best I could (remember, I don't own a baby snow suit, nor baby shoes for that matter) and with camera in hand, we headed out. We had just gotten a few inches of new snow this morning, but it wasn't terribly cold. I couldn't wait to capture that fabulous picture that I was imagining in my head!

I set him down in the snow, because that's what you do, right? He sat there for a moment with wide eyes and a big grin, as he reached for a handful of snow. I was all excited! This was it. I pulled the camera up to my eye, only to realize that I hadn't turned it on. The chance was over and he was trying to crawl in it. Well, I didn't want him to get baby frost bite (that really wouldn't be a good mommy moment) so I quickly sat him back up, handed him a handful of snow and jumped back to get the picture.

Instantly, he toppled over and took a big gasp of cold air as he did so. He began to scream, as he laid there, spread eagle in the snow and I'm sure wondering what the heck was going on! I took pity on him and we headed back inside. He was still crying and just a tad bit wet, but I got daddy to hold him so I could at least get one picture, in the snow. As you can see, he really isn't too sure about that white stuff. I hope he forgets, at least by next winter, and doesn't hate snow forever!

Gooooo Cougars

We weren't actually watching the cougars play tonight (BYU), but instead were all glued to the Jets/Chargers game. However, Olivia believes that ALL football games warrant pulling out her cheerleading uniform and doing her cheers for the cougars! I guess we're teaching her well! Or at least, that is what my hubby believes! We were so excited to see the Jets win. We're not Jets fans, but rather die hard Colt's fans and knew their chances would be better against the Jets than the Chargers. Plus, it was just a great game! I am constantly amazed at how more into football I become the longer I'm married to my husband and the older my boys get.

I also did some scrapping this evening, which I love to do! I am so excited by this layout of Olivia. The photos were taken by my amazing sister, Lynette. She does photography in Vegas, but took the time to come up to Utah to visit us, this past fall! I am so in love with all the photos she took. The kit I used for this is by my friend and partner in the digiscrap business (well, one of my partners) and I loved playing with it! So, I decided to share!



Have a great evening!

Saturday Mornings

I absolutely love Saturdays. They are my least productive day of the week, and I love that! I'm fortunate to have married someone who shares my belief that Saturday's are for catching up and relaxing. We try not to schedule too much on Saturdays and instead just hang out. We do a little cleaning, but mostly John watches sports and I do projects or read and almost always sneak in a nap! This picture was taken first thing this morning, as Sam and Abby snuggled on the couch to watch cartoons. The photo just sums up the day for all of us!

"Mamma, me baby"

Tonight, as we were watching the end of Biggest Loser (I just love DVR) Sam went upstairs and dragged all my pillows and blankets down and dropped them at my feet. He laid down and said, "Mamma, me baby". It was really cute! He has been so much better these last couple of days. It's hard to say what exactly has done the trick. We've taken away refined sugar and flours and replaced everything in our diet with all natural stuff. I have been rubbing his feet every night with oils and then we've worked to keep the toy room organized. Whether it was one of those things, or all combined, or just a complete fluke, I'm not complaining. This is manageable. A week ago, I was ready to find a place to check myself into. I truly didn't think I had it in me to go on. I'm thankful that hard times are followed up by time to catch a breath.

I've been working on my novel, since the first of the year, and I finished Chapter One yesterday. It's not huge progress, but in between all the other life things I have going on, it's nice to at least get in a little bit. I'm really excited about it and can't wait until it is finished and I can share it with the world! Hopefully the world (or an editor) will be as excited as I am! LOL!

Have a great weekend!

Getting Organized

I'm so pleased with today's project and the photo I have to show for it! It was a lot of work, but so worth it! I spent the day cleaning and organizing the play room and all the kids toys. They aren't all in here, when this picture was taken, but a good amount of them are and everything has it's own container! I've decided that one of the things Sam needs is a lot of organization. He gets overstimulated very easily, so this is a way to keep most of his stuff locked away. He only gets one box at a time and has to pick it up before getting out the next box. I hope this helps!

I ended up choosing the picture of Olivia for last night. I just love the look of pure joy on her face. I also love the nightgown she is wearing. My mother-in-law sewed it for her, for Christmas. I just treasure gifts like that!

I'm also posting my week 2 layout. I'm so excited that I've made it two full weeks into this project! Just 50 more weeks to go (and I hope they pass very, very slowly).



Have a great evening!

Too Many to Choose

So, I need help choosing which of these three should be my picture for the day! I would love any advice! Feel free to leave a comment below of your favorite! Some days I struggle getting one picture in and somedays, I get 20 and can't choose a favorite!

Well, no snow today, which was such a bummer. I keep hoping for it to dump like 2 feet. Then I can just stay home with the kids and build snow forts in the back yard. Actually, we have it all planned, for the next big storm, we're going to build something really fun in the front yard. I can't spoil the surprise, but you can bet that I will have photos of it when it happens!

So, today, I was thinking about Sam (I do that a lot) and how difficult it is sometimes. I realized that even though it's hard, I'm spending too much precious time focusing on the negative and not enough on finding the joy in the journey. So, starting tomorrow, I'm really going to work at changing my perspective. I want to enjoy these years with him and find the true happiness I know can be there. I had such a special experience with him tonight. As I mentioned last night, I am really big into essential oils. I LOVE all the things they can do. Well, tonight after Sam's bath, I gave him a foot massage with some of the oils (mostly lavendar) that I knew would be relaxing for him. It was amazing how relaxed it was, but even more than that, it was such a bonding experience to just sit there and rub his feet. I spoke quietly and I could tell that he really enjoyed it. Afterwards, he calmly went to bed and we'll see if he makes it all the way until morning in his own bed. So, I'm going to try, every time he begins to get upset and rage, I'm going to calm him with oils and massage and see if it helps. If nothing else, it will calm me!

Well, I'm off to bed (well actually to go catch the end of yesterday's American Idol).

Not so Happy

I love this picture of my little man, even if he isn't too happy! I also love this picture of my sweet and wonderful hubby! It's been so nice having him home this week. I'm so glad that last week is behind us!

Today was a rough day, not just on little Noah. I think I just woke up in a bit of a grumpy mood, and that's never good! Maybe it's the affect of this eternal inversion we seem to be experiencing! Even though the sun is shining, we don't get to see it because of a layer of smog that just settles over the entire valley. Some days I don't mind it, because I love cloudy days, but I think I've had enough!

The highlight of my evening (and I probably should have taken my camera to get a picture) was an essential oil party I went to. I LOVE essential oils. They have become a life line to me, with all the various health issues my family has. They have not only brought real healing, but they just make me happy! I love getting to leave the kids with John and going to visit with other women who share so many of the same viewpoints as I do. And it was so nice, one of my friends brought gluten free cookies and the other friend made healthy peppermint fudge! It was the perfect evening!

So, even though I spent most the day feeling like Noah looks, by tonight I feel rejuvenated and ready to face the world again! And there's a chance of snow for tomorrow! I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE snow storms!

Polar Bear Cereal

Doesn't it look so scrumptious? I love the name too! It's actually granola cereal, but made from scratch and my very first attempt! But somewhere between me telling Olivia that it was called granola cereal and her repeating it, the name became "Polar Bear Cereal" I think it's going to stick! I sure love that little girl!

This was so yummy I could hardly stop snacking on it. Ever since learning that I had celiac, I have missed granola (most oats are contaminated by wheat). It used to be one of my favorite cereals and snacks! Well, this was so easy to make, and honestly, I think it tastes better than any I've eaten before.

In case anyone is interested, all I did was take GF oats, raw sunflower seeds, chopped up raw almonds, banana chips, mango pieces, dried cranberries and raw coconut. I put it all in a bowl and then mixed 1/4 c. of coconut oil and 1/4 c. of agave syrup and mixed together. I poured it onto a cookie sheet and baked for about 45 minutes at 300 degrees. Oh, and of course, I added spices--cinnamon, nutmeg, cloves, ginger and sea salt!

Quiet Sunday

Today was a nice, quiet Sunday. I started in with a sore, scratchy throat yesterday and it continued on through today! I woke up with Sam about 5:30, but I was so tired. I had just finished feeding Noah and got him back to sleep, so I wanted a bit more! I took Sam downstairs and turned on Max and Ruby (his favorite cartoon) and snuck in a few more zzz's while he watched it! When John got up, he let me go back to bed and he handled breakfast! I slept until 9:30. I couldn't believe it! It felt so good! I ended up staying home from church because Noah had a stuffy nose an Mitchell had the same sore throat I did, so we just decided to keep our germs to ourself!

This picture is my eldest son, Chipper! Chipper is really just a nickname for him, but it's what we've always called him. He was listening to his ipod and watching the football game, and I couldn't resist a picture! I feel like I rarely see him these days, so it gets hard to document that he really does live here!

He will be 13 in a few months, and I'm in denial. Honestly, I just gave birth to him! How could 13 years fly by so quickly? He is a typical almost-teen. He likes girls and music and hanging out with friends! It's such a flash from the past, because he is obsessed with Michael Jackson and anything else from the 80's. I lived through the 80's, they really weren't as cool as my son believes! He's a pretty good little actor too, and loves it! He just finished being one of the leads in the Christmas play at school and is awaiting tryouts for the Spring musical.

Do I Dare?

Sam was pretty excited about his discovery of using a sleeping bag to go down the stairs. But as he is with most things like that, he was too cautious to just let himself go! He had to inch down, one stair at a time! I'm often amazed at the irony. This boy has no comprehension of the dangers of just running away from us, or wandering the neighborhood at his leisure, but something as simple as stepping on an escalator or going from one step to another or even walking across a bridge has always left him very, very cautious. I guess that is one of the joys that come in this adventure!

He has been a real handful lately, and I have found myself searching the Internet for ideas. Some days, though, I get tired of even looking for answers or coming up with new solutions. Every once in awhile, I just need time to feel sorry for myself and wonder if I'm going to make it even one more day. It's really hard to always have the patience needed. It isn't like I have to have the required energy for a few hours, this is something that can sometimes consume 20+ hours in a day. He doesn't sleep well, and is usually up several times a night. He only wants me and will scream if John tries to get him back to bed. He starts every day between 5 and 5:30. The only saving grace is that he goes to bed by about 7:30. So, I usually have until then to midnight as my time, or his school time. I can't leave the room he is in because I never know what he is going to do. I know he loves his baby brother, but sometimes, for no explained reason, he will just walk by and hit him or shove him or kick him. It takes everything within me to not yell at him or spank him, and sometimes, even then, I cave to my own weaknesses and the guilt can just eat me alive. So, amid my constant search for a better way, a better routine, a new activity to hold his attention, sometimes I just can't search anymore. That's where I was yesterday. I had had all I could handle. John had been gone for 4 full days, and I was exhausted and spent. The house was a mess, because I just didn't have the energy. I was grumpy and cranky and tired.

Today, I woke up and returned to my searching. I don't know if it will improve things. I found ideas about using a picture schedule and giving him more opportunities to get his energy out. I will try them and tweak them and do what I can, because I love him. It's my job to find the answers, and so I will. Fortunately, moments like this, watching him play quietly on the stairs, working to overcome his fear, give me the strength to continue! And hopefully, the next time he pushes Noah down for no reason or head butts his little sister or throws his shoes at me while I'm driving, I will picture this cute face and find the patience.

Too Fast

Honestly, time goes way too quickly! I love everything about this picture! My two oldest boys are holding their little brother! The dark haired one, Mitchell is exactly (to the date) 10 years older than Noah. It seems like only yesterday, Mitchell was the one crawling around and exploring the world. It all goes so fast!

Today, Noah discovered the stairs! He climbed all the way to the top, and giggled the whole way! This picture was taken moments after he had made it up to his brothers and they all snuggled for a moment on the stairs! I'm so glad I had my camera!

Here he is, on the way up!!!

Week One Complete!

I can't believe that the first week of the new year is already over! Can someone please slow down time! I do have to say, though, that my daily journaling and picture taking has definitely helped me to appreciate the little things each day and just enjoy the time I have with my family! Time will still fly by, but perhaps, I feel just a bit more part of the action!

I scrapped my first week of photo's into my first layout. I'm going to do one page a week, and print them each week, so I'll have a whole book to document 2010 when I reach the end of the year! I wish I would have started this years ago!

Did you take your Mean Mommy Pills???

This is Abby, my adorable, sweet and spunky 8 year old! I love her to pieces, but she sure knows how to push my buttons! We always joke that she will be the one to follow in her father's footsteps, as an attorney, someday. No one can argue and debate like she can! And she mostly loves to argue with me!

This morning, as I was trying to get everyone fed, and dressed, and hair done and out the door for school, she was in one of those moods. When I asked her to finish getting ready, she argued that she wasn't done eating, when I asked her to help pick up the toys on the floor, she argued that her shoes weren't on. And, just let me point out that her arguing wasn't done in a calm, rational voice. No, it was that octave too high, whiney voice that feels like nails on a chalkboard! Finally, in exasperation, I motioned to zip her lips and throw away the key (because I was so done arguing). She stomped her foot and said, "Did you take your mean mommy pills this morning?" Leave it to my Abby, to know how to make us all laugh, just when I want to strangle her!

Beyond the arguing (and the story telling, but that's another post) she is a dear girl! I love her so much! She was my first girl, after two boys, and the only child that I braved a home birth with! She is twice as crunchy as me, already! The girl won't take even Tylenol! She believes that essential oils cure everything (which she may be right about!), she loves to eat healthy, constantly talking about saving the environment and recycling, and is convinced that all her babies will be born at home some day! She is my wonderful girl, who sat with me through my entire last labor, anxiously waiting to meet her new brother! She witnessed it all and didn't even flinch! And she has no problem, telling everyone she meets that she was the very first person Noah saw on this earth! She is my girl who wants to do everything I do! She wants to cook with me, sew with me, scrap with me, shop with me and although there are moments when I wish she didn't quite talk so much, (I'm sure my mom relates to that one!) I wouldn't trade her for anything! She's ambitious, as she is spunky, convinced that she is going to grow up to be an artist, a film director and own her own gluten-free restaurant! Every day is a new and exciting adventure with Abby, and I'm so grateful to have her in my life!

Now, if I can just find a bit more patience and stop taking those mean mommy pills!!

Honey and Alexa

Conversation in the car tonight, on the way home from gymnastics:

Olivia: Mom, Honey and Alexa are fighting again. They won't stop hitting each other.
Me: Olivia, tell them to stop.
Olivia: I did, but they won't listen.

Now, out of context, one would think I had 3 girls in the backseat and two of them were fighting! In reality, it was just Olivia! She has quite the imagination and for over a year now, her imaginary friend has been "Honey". She talked to her, fought with her, tickled her, etc. And Honey is actually her left hand. It's great, for her, because she always has a scape goat.

"Olivia, did you make this mess?"

"No, Honey did it."

Recently, her right hand has become Alexa and now apparently, they fight with each other! Sometimes they fight with Olivia, and they always do all the naughty stuff at our house! Overall, I think it's cute, but I can't help but wonder when it will end. I mean, this will end, right? With six kids, I have my share of tattling and fighting to deal with, it really drives me crazy when I have to break up fights or threaten time out to Honey and Alexa! I'm definitely ready for these two to find a new home!

And I have a bonus picture, because honestly, isn't this little face just too yummy for words? He is always being put in a box and pushed around by his siblings. As you can tell, he doesn't seem to mind!

Top 5 pics okay?

Seriously! Today, I could have had 5-10 pictures for the day! It was a really great day, and I got lots of great photos. I will just have to save the rest for scrapbooking!

I was nervous for today. Hubby travels a lot and I have known this week would be a long one. Not that I didn't enjoy the 2 weeks he took off around the holidays, but I think that made it even harder to face returning to our schedule! Six kids is always a lot of work, but it's especially tough when I'm by myself! Sam can make up for 3 kids, on any given day! The one thing about today I had to look forward to, though was Sam going back to school. I hope I don't sound like a bad mom when I say that I live for those 4 hours, 4 days a week. It's not just because our life is calm and quiet while he's gone, but also because he comes home happier. The past two weeks have gotten harder and harder. He is a child that thrives on structure and routine. I try to have that at home, but first of all, there is nothing in my nature that is organized or structured! I'm as spontaneous as they come! And second, it's tough to have 5 other children's needs to work around and try to have everything catered to one. So, I was quite the happy clam when the bus turned the corner today and I sent him off with a kiss! Olivia, Noah and I snuggled for about an hour and a half, watching a little t.v. and just enjoying the quiet! It was bliss! I got some cleaning done and actually tried to be more prepared. By the time he came home, I had all the house clean, dinner made and most of the kitchen clean. That way, I could just focus on him and not trying to do 100 things at once!

Then Chipper (my oldest) came home and offered to play football in the snow with the two little ones, so that was quite the bonus! He's a great kid, and I appreciate it when he offers to help! After dinner, I bathed Noah, Abby (my 8 year old) helped Olivia take a bath and Chipper helped Sam. It was so nice to not have to bathe all three by myself and I think Sam enjoyed the extra attention from his big brother! This was all done with the promise that they could stay up and watch the season premiere of Biggest Loser. Who knew that a show about fat people could seriously be our families favorite show! I'm always inspired by the stories there, and it's fun to see my kids enjoy it as well!

Anyway, the entire afternoon and evening went so smooth and the three youngest were asleep and the 3 oldest were all in their rooms and ready for bed by a little after 8 pm (we'll have to finish the second half of BL tomorrow night).

I chose the picture above as my picture for today because of the great conversation Mitchell (age 10) and I had about food today. He's the one I homeschool and I love it! We have a great time together! He is celiac as well and he really doesn't like all the dietary changes he's had to make and the new ones I'm imposing. I know it will be for his own good and benefit down the road, but really, can a 10 year old see past the fact that I've stolen pizza away from him? It hasn't been easy, even though he does try hard! So, anyway, I asked him if he wanted to make cookies today. He wasn't real sure what I meant, since cookies didn't sound like the item that would still be included in our new lifestyle! So, I told him the recipe.

It's a great recipe! 3 ingredients and no flour! 1 c. peanut butter, 1 c. sugar and 1 egg. That's it. You mix, roll into balls, roll in a little sugar, smash with a fork and bake for 10 minutes! They taste just like the real thing! Well, we've thrown out all refined sugar and one of the things I had in the cupboard was pure raw cane sugar. It's a weird brown color, smells funny and doesn't look like sugar. He turned up his nose immediately. So, I explained how this was the real thing. I told him how the sugar he is used to is processed so much that their is almost nothing of the real stuff left! Well, it left quite the impression and he was very excited about the cookies after that! This picture is just before we put them in the oven! He even educated the rest of his siblings at the dinner table about "real" food. So, it's a start, and hopefully things will continue to go well. Granted, he thought the seaweed covered rice and veggies I served for lunch was "disgusting" so at this point, I'll just take what I can get!

Whole New Lifestyle

So, as I mentioned in my first post, I have Celiac Disease, as well as two of my children. Therefore, we can't have gluten of any kind. This makes eating very interesting as EVERYTHING seems to have gluten in it! I even found a baking powder that had gluten in it! We've been adjusting to this new way of eating for several years (will be 3 years this summer) but today I finally took the plunge and purged my cupboards, refrigerator and pantry of everything that had gluten in it. It's quite expensive to go all gluten free, so I would allow things in the house for those that didn't have celiac. However, it makes it hard to keep it away from some if others have it. And to be honest, in all my research, it doesn't appear that gluten is all that good for anyone, so even without having celiac, we decided that everyone could go gluten free-at least while we are at home!

Today's picture is of my new cupboard, all organized, with several different kinds of flours and grains (all gluten free of course) and new sweeteners that are also natural. We've decided to move in the direction of a whole foods and partially raw foods diet. This means, that everything is truly from scratch! I even made my first batch of Almond milk today! I was so proud! I bought raw almonds, soaked them and then ground it into milk. It's quite yummy! We are also back on green smoothies, which are one of my favorite things! It's a great way to sneak in veggies, not just for the kiddos but even for me. I put in a few leaves of kale or spinach and then throw in some yummy fruit, almond milk and blend it together! It's great and so full of vitamins! I don't know how excited my older kids are about this new way of eating. I think one of them said he would be a nerd if anyone found out he had to eat like this. Ah, the price we pay! But, with time and no other options, I think they'll come around!

My Little Sunbeam

Today was Sunday, the first Sunday of the new year and my little Olivia is a sunbeam! For those in the LDS religion, you all know what that means. For anyone else, it's the title of the 3 year old class! Before a child turns three, but after 18 months, they are in nursery. They love nursery, lots of snacks, toys, play-doh, etc. But, there is something very prestigious to a 3 year old when they get to become a Sunbeam! For Olivia, it has been talked about for weeks. Just yesterday, as she watched Sam slide around on the ice, she said "Sunbeams don't play on ice". That has been her line for everything. It's almost as if she has reached some magical age and is now all grown up and too mature for all childish things! I love this photo, because she even packed her own bag to take to church, with her doll, snacks, crayons and a few books to read! She looks so grown up that I can barely remember the tiny baby she was just a few short years ago. However, in all her excitement for her big day, this photo clearly shows a bit of apprehension and when the big moment finally came, she melted in my arms, clinging to her doll and didn't want to go. Eventually she did, and she did great, but it was almost as if in one moment, she just wasn't quite ready to grow up. Then again, maybe it was more me having the meltdown (on the inside of course) because I'm not ready for her to keep growing up! I would be content for her to stay in nursery forever!

What are you up to next?

Today's picture is of my sweet Sam! As you can tell from this picture, the boy is as mischevious as he looks! He definitely keeps us on our toes! Let me tell you a little bit about my boy, to give you a clearer picture.

Sam was born in 2004 and at first, seemed like a normal, sweet baby boy! He was a great baby. He slept a lot and had the cutest quiet cry that sound more like a little lamb than a baby! But as Sam grew, we could tell that he was not developing like our other children had. He didn't babble. He really didn't make eye contact and he had a lot of respiratory and health problems. In fact, within his first year of life, he had several stays in the hospital and then a blood sugar crash at 13 months that nearly could have taken his life. He was a mystery to everyone. By the time he was a year and a half, he still had no speech at all, he was finally starting to walk and even though he was a happy go lucky baby, he was more like an 8 month old than an 18 month old.

I'll fast forward the countless months of therapy, tests, dr. visits and other things we were put through. I'll only briefly touch on the MRI that was performed a few months before his second birthday which made them think he had a terminal brain disease. It was a very trying and exhausting time. Through it all, we worked hard to make the most of it. We loved our little boy and did all we could to help him make those first few sounds. He was 2 before I got to hear him say mamma for the first time! Precious words, indeed.

In May of 2008, just weeks before our move to Utah, Sam became very sick, very fast. By the time I got him to the ER he was barely breathing and they had to give him a lot of high powered steroids to get everything under control. It was a very long night, one in which I didn't get a wink of sleep as I met with dr.'s, answered questions and watched the machine that monitored his every breath. Somewhere during those long hours, they asked if they could run some genetic tests, and I agreed. He had already been through so many things, I didn't hold out hope for any answers.

Right after the 4th of July, when we were all moved and settled in our new home in Utah, I got a call from his pediatrician with results that would forever change how we perceived the future for Sam. They had found a chromosomal defect and a condition called xxyy syndrome. We have since come to learn that there are many things that go with this diagnosis from speech problems, learning delays, frequent melt downs, lack of impulse control, even an explanation for his crooked pinky fingers. He may develop Type 2 diabetes, arthritis and a whole other host of health problems, as he grows. It is unknown, exactly how this condition will affect him. He may finish school, graduate and overall lead a normal life, or he may be in our care for the rest of our lives or anything in between. No one has exact answers for us, and for now we wait and learn to live each day and take each challenge as it is. Truly, I am learning to appreciate the gift of each day-even when its hard!

I'm sorry to ramble on for so long, but as I said in the beginning, I have a crazy, wonderful life and being able to journal about it helps me to put things in place. I will probably discuss Sam here often, not because I love him more than my other kids, but because he consumes about 85% of my time, energy and attention!

One of Many Firsts

What a great picture to start the new year off with! My little man has just started to pull himself to standing. He sort of figured it out yesterday, but today, this was all he wanted to do! I snapped this picture, first thing this morning when he discovered that the legs of the chairs at the kitchen table were perfect for helping him stand!

We enjoyed a fairly quiet day at home. Of course, with our sweet Sam, quiet is relative! I love the boy to pieces, and he can truly give the best hugs, but he also has a very short fuse. I know that I have never been the most patient person, but he is teaching me this valuable skill on a daily basis. In a matter of minutes this morning, right after the boys had gotten Noah out of his crib, Sam snuck in my room and got a bottle of lotion and dumped it on the carpet. He was mad at me because I wouldn't let him have anymore candy and this is his way of punishing me. Later, but before naps, he dumped his sister's new body spray all over the kitchen floor. At least that was easier to clean up! And his new way of expressing his frustration at us, is to "Rawr" at us, at the top of his lungs. That's exactly what it sounds like and seriously, when he catches you off guard, it's almost enough to make your heart stop! But then, at the close of the day, when he says his prayers in words that I'm sure only God can understand, I realize just how much I love him and how empty my life would be without him in it. And I know that this is all part of life. Things aren't ever meant to be easy. Growth does not come from easy. So, in this quiet moment, while all the little ones are sound asleep, I will write a few words, collect my thoughts and prepare for tomorrow! After all, I'm not much different than my infant son, working to strengthen his little legs, as he holds on to the chair for dear life. For me, it is my mommy legs I'm working to understand and balance and do all that I can just to not fall. Even with six children, I am only just beginning to learn the lessons, the joys and the pain of parenting.

Welcome to a New Year

It is officially 2010! I couldn't be more excited for this new year, all wrapped up in pretty paper and ready for me to gradually untie each ribbon and see what is waiting inside! This new year holds all the promise and hope and wonder of a new start. As with life, there are always challenges and obstacles lurking around the bend, but I get to mold it into what I want. I choose what I will accomplish, what I will appreciate and what I will take with me into next year. Is their anything more beautiful than that type of gift!

The purpose of this blog is two fold. I am committed to take a picture a day, blog about it, scrap about it, cherish it! I also want to journal here, every day, about all the things in my life! So, you might be in for quite a ride! I am a Stay at home mom to 6 children. I have Celiac Disease which I am learning every day how to better eat for my body's sake. I have 2 children with Celiac and one son with a chromosomal defect. He actually has too many chromosomes and it makes for a very interesting and challenging life! I am a homeschooling mom who wonders every day if I'm doing it right, but couldn't be happier with the effort! I am a writer who has put those aspirations on hold for too long, but plan to really write that novel this year! I am a crafter with a million ideas and never enough time to do all the things that buzz around in my head! So, as you can see, one year will never be enough, but hopefully, I can at least try to capture the highlights and untie the Ribbons, a little each day!