Tears

I will post the picture lately, but I am worn out tonight from many many tears.

I have often felt cursed, in my life, for how close to the surface my emotions are.  I can cry at commercials!  Today was one of those days that I wished I could have held everything inside and not shed a tear.  As we said goodbye to Grandma and laid her earthly body to rest, I couldn't control the flood of emotions and the waterfall of memories.  At moments, it was a bit too much to process and I had to remind myself to breathe.  Don't get me wrong, I am so thankful that she is no longer suffering, and I know that she is where she needs to be.  I know she lived an incredible life-the type we all dream of living.  It was just that I remembered every kind thing she ever did for me, the squishy hugs she was so good at, and the amazing amounts of love she had for her family and everyone around her.  For just a moment, I wished I could pause time and rewind.  Not that I wanted to go back a few days and see her one more time.  I wanted to go back through the years and relive all the moments.  Life is beautiful and heart wrenching at the same time.  Each day comes and goes and there is nothing we can do to change that.  And no matter how hard we try to cherish it and hold on to it, it still slips on by.  And with that, new generations are born and old generations must pass by.  At one point, just like me, she wrestled with 6 children and the daily chores that needed to be done.  She held them and kissed them and poured all the love into that job, just as I try to do each day.  She watched them each go away to school, get married, have children and watched them grow.  She attended all the important events, held the new babies, kissed the toddlers and watched each day of life come and go.  I'm sure it all felt like a matter of moments, as she prepared to end her life here.  I guess part of my tears today were not only for my deep love for her, but also an appreciation for the life she lived and in part, my tears were for me, knowing that I too must pass through the trials she did and in the end leave it all behind.  I'm thankful to know and believe with all my heart that this life is not the end.  I cling to that faith as I feel that life is just a big whirlwind, going way too fast!

I will miss her so much.  Even today, I expected her to walk in and brighten the room with her smile.  But, I will always hold her dear.  And I will work to live my life like she did and look forward to meeting her again.